The Unseen Victims of Divorce
The Child’s Voice on the Devastating Effects of Divorce and Broken Homes
Occasionally, my nanny takes my siblings and me on outings to local neighbourhoods,
where we witness firsthand the joy of families living with simplicity.
We see children laughing and playing together, their faces lighting up with delight as they invent games and entertain themselves.
I often find myself pondering the source of their happiness.
These experiences leave a lasting impression on my siblings and me,
and we always look forward to returning to those neighbourhoods, where we glimpse a carefree existence that we aspire to.
Our parents do everything in their power to make us happy.
They surprise us with lavish birthday trips, grant our every wish, and dress us in the finest clothes.
Yet, despite these luxuries, the tension and unrest in our home overshadow everything, leaving us feeling unfulfilled.
Behind closed doors, my siblings and I often lie awake, tears streaming down our faces as we listen to our parents’ quarrels.
It’s a painful reality that contrasts sharply with the happy facade we present to the world.
The Unseen Victims of Divorce
On my last birthday, as I blew out the candles, I made a heartfelt wish: for God to keep my parents together forever. I have faith that He will answer my prayer.
When news of our parents’ divorce spreads like wildfire through the neighbourhood or online,
I’ve noticed that the focus of sympathy and empathy always seems to be on one of our parents.
People rush to take sides, saying things like: “She was an abusive wife, the man deserved better.
Men go through a lot!” or “He was an abusive husband, the woman should leave to live. She is a strong woman!”.
While these debates rage on, I find myself wondering:
what about us, the children? Don’t we deserve some consideration?
After all, our parents are responsible for us, and it’s our lives that will be forever changed by their decision.
What becomes of us? And What does the future hold?
It’s as if our emotional well-being is an afterthought, with some people assuming that money and legal settlements are enough to fix our lives.
But it’s not that simple.
We, the children, are the unseen victims of divorce.
It’s time for parents and society to recognize our needs and prioritize them.
We need them to fight to make marriages work, for our sake.
We didn’t have a choice in the family we were born into.
If we had the chance to glimpse our parents’ future before we were conceived, we might have been more selective.
Like everyone else, we desire happiness, peace, and unity in our families.
A stable and loving home environment would have a deeply positive impact on our outlook and preparation for life.
Our parents chose each other, and they are accountable for the state of their marriage.
Perhaps, when selecting a partner, the initial focus shouldn’t be on romantic love at first sight.
Instead, it should be on a deeper love and respect for the institution of family and for the children they hope to have. Divorce – Wikipedia
Maybe the first questions asked on a first date or during wedding vows should be:
“Do you love family?”
And “Do you love the children we’ll have one day?”
Once these fundamental questions are answered, other considerations can follow.
The Unseen Victims of Divorce
The narrative needs to shift:
instead of prioritizing romance, couples should focus on building a strong home foundation together.
At this point, it feels almost ironic that I, a child, am offering advice on marriage, speaking on behalf of children from broken homes worldwide.
Unfortunately, our experiences have forced us to grow up too quickly.
We’ve witnessed our parents’ quarrels and fights at a tender age when we should be carefree and enjoying our childhood.
Moreover, we often find ourselves trying to mediate their conflicts, reversing the natural order of things.
Shouldn’t our parents be the ones resolving our childish disputes, not the other way around?
Isn’t this twisted dynamic enough life experience for us kids—a toxic one, at that?
We’re exhausted!
We are tired of viewing marriage as a daunting prospect for our future.
As a girl from a broken home, I can attest that we’re wary of repeating the cycle.
When a young man shows interest in us, memories of our mothers’ suffering at the hands of our fathers come flooding back, triggering anger and frustration.
We then unfairly lash out at our innocent suitors,
redirecting the pain and resentment meant for our fathers towards innocent people who are simply trying to connect with us.
We don’t want to generalize our hatred towards men because of our father’s irresponsibility.
Yes! We yearn to fall in love freely, without the fear of marriage being tainted by our past experiences.
To make this a reality, our parents are our first role models
– their relationship sets the tone for what we expect from our own partners and their families.
We aspire to build a loving family of our own one day, but as the saying goes, “charity begins at home.”
So, We need to see a positive example of family life from our own parents.
As the average boy child from a broken home, we don’t want to view women as strangers or mere companions to pass the time with.
Instead, we want to see them as integral partners with whom we can build a future.
We want to approach marriage with excitement and anticipation, rather than scepticism or fear.
And We want to look up to our fathers as role models, learning from them how to build a loving and united family, with God at the centre.
(and) We aspire to prioritize our family above all else, just as our fathers should have done.
(also) We want to envision our homes as sanctuaries of peace and relief,
where we can unwind after a long day at work trying hard to provide for our home.
We aspire to cherish our partners as the precious gifts described in the Bible – a “good thing” to be cherished and valued.
To achieve this, we need guidance from our parents, who should model healthy marriage habits and impart valuable insights to us.
The Unseen Victims of Divorce
We’re exhausted!
We are tired of being asked about our parents, only to hesitate or avoid answering altogether.
The pain of our broken homes makes us dread those innocent-sounding questions, fearing they’ll lead to sympathy, pity, or even insults we never asked for.
We’re exhausted!
We are tired of relying on other people’s parents for support – emotional, moral, and otherwise –
when our own parents should be providing these essentials through their unified love and care.
Are children still considered the heritage of the world and the fruit of the womb, a reward as described in the Bible?
If so, then we should be the top priority in any conversation about marriage, not who leaves the home first.
Let’s build our homes on the foundation of love that unites the entire family, not just the husband and wife.
We yearn for peace and unity, essential for our healthy growth and development.
Also Read: There is a reason for the pain! – Diademng
The Unseen Victims of Divorce
