The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
Gary Chapman insightfully observes that teenage violence has surpassed the realm of fiction, becoming a disturbing reality in our daily news.
Reviewer: David Oletu (DCM)
Book Title: The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively.
Book Author: Gary Chapman
Published: 2010
Publisher: Moody Publishers
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
No matter how gifted I was, my bad attitude would have only held me back and hindered others from truly appreciating me.
I learnt this the hard way. Health issues and challenges are no excuse for lacking common sense and good manners. — David Oletu (DCM)
I was blessed to have one of the most incredible moms in the world.
My mother’s discipline and guidance shaped me into the person I am today.
She instilled strong moral values, ensured our spiritual growth, and encouraged us to be active in our faith.
As a child, I absorbed many of her admirable traits, earning me the affection of nearly every adult who knew me.
I was that well-behaved kid who always seemed to do the right thing, thanks to my mom’s tireless efforts.
However, reflecting on my teenage years, I notice a subtle shift in my attitude.
I began to experience unpredictable mood swings, and a simmering anger emerged.
Even slight provocations would trigger an intense reaction, seemingly without reason.
This newfound irritability baffled everyone, especially my mother, who had instilled such a solid foundation of values in me.
She would often express concern,
“David, why are you so angry?” and remind me, “This isn’t the way I raised you!”
Her words echoed with a mix of worry and surprise as if asking, “Where did this anger come from?”
However, I later realized that my mental health had taken a severe hit due to my health condition, medication,
and the emotional scars from bullying and verbal abuse.
The constant ridicule and teasing from peers and others about my unique physique left me feeling unloved and unworthy.
But to the glory of God, I triumphed over those debilitating emotions— anger, rudeness, and pride—through deliberate effort and self-reflection.
I developed healthy study habits and immersed myself in uplifting messages.
Recognizing the destructive path I was on, I chose to fight for my well-being, especially considering the gifts and potential God had entrusted me with.
No matter how gifted I was, my bad attitude would have only held me back and hindered others from truly appreciating me.
I learnt this the hard way.
Health issues and challenges are no excuse for lacking common sense and good manners.
As a teenager, I struggled with pride and sadness, but I’m grateful I recognized the need for change.
Today, my broad smile and positive spirit are my trademarks.
I’ve transformed from that self-absorbed, unhappy teen to a vibrant, optimistic individual.
While I can’t erase my past, I’m thankful I overcame that phase. It only reminds me that growth is possible, and our struggles don’t define us.
My story teaches me that life’s stages bring unique challenges and responses.
The sweet child of today can become bitter or sad in adolescence due to surrounding circumstances.
This complexity makes parenting even more daunting, especially in today’s generation.
That’s why Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers’ is a timely and essential read.
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
This book should be every parent’s secret guide to effectively loving and guiding their teens.
Its wisdom resonates deeply with most of us, either as parents of stubborn or clueless teenagers
or as individuals who once navigated those challenging years ourselves.
Gary Chapman insightfully observes that teenage violence has surpassed the realm of fiction, becoming a disturbing reality in our daily news.
Reports of wayward teenagers involved in homicides and suicides are alarmingly commonplace.
This troubling situation knows no boundaries, affecting, High-class communities, Low-income neighbourhoods, and even Faith-based communities.
Many parents are deeply concerned, wondering what went wrong.
Despite their best efforts to raise their children on the right path, some teenagers suddenly stray from the values instilled in them.
The question lingers: “What could we have done differently?”
Even when basic needs are met, why do some teens veer off course?
This dilemma emphasises the urgency for guides like ‘The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers’ and other resources on teenage parenting.
Parents need to understand their teens better, navigating the complexities of their generation.
According to Chapman, the reality is that today’s teenager lives in a world unknown to their predecessors—their parents.
This is a global world, shaped by mobile internet, satellite television, and much more.
Modern technology exposes our teens to the best and worst of all human cultures.
Pluralism—the acceptance of many ideas and philosophies as equal, with none superior to others—has replaced common beliefs and patterns as the wave of the future.
This pluralism of beliefs, morals, and lifestyles is here to stay, and its complexities make navigation far more challenging than the commonality it replaces.
No wonder many teenagers have lost their way.
Chapman notes that parents of teenagers have never felt more helpless.
Yet, paradoxically, he argues that parents have never been more crucial.
Teenagers need their parents now more than ever, as research confirms that parents have the most profound impact on a teenager’s life.
Chapman emphasizes that when parents disengage,
their guiding influence on their teenager is swiftly replaced by alternative forces—such as smartphones, gangs, or peer groups.
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
Gary Chapman is deeply committed to the premise that teenagers thrive when parents embrace their role as loving leaders at home.
Hence, in his 15-chapter book, ‘The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers’,
Chapman emphasizes that love is the foundational building block of a healthy parent-teen relationship.
He passionately believes that love is both the most important and most misunderstood word in the English language.
Chapman’s goal is to clarify this confusion, equipping parents to effectively meet their teenager’s profound emotional need for love.
In Chapter 1, the author guides parents through the complex world of adolescence, exploring the significant developmental changes that occur during this phase.
We’ll also delve into the contemporary world that shapes your teenager’s experiences.
Chapter 2 highlights the pivotal role parental love plays in fostering emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual growth in teenagers.
Chapters 3-7 dive deeper into the 5 Love Languages, revealing how to effectively express love to your teenager in ways they understand.
In Chapter 8, the author offers suggestions on how to discover our teen’s primary love language—the most effective way to fill their emotional love tank.
From Chapters 9 to 12, the author explores key issues in our teenager’s life—including the desire for independence and the need for responsibility.
The author also considers how love interfaces with the teenager’s understanding and processing of anger, how love fosters independence;
the relationship between freedom and responsibility; and how love sets boundaries—boundaries that are enforced with discipline and consequence.
In Chapter 13, the author tackles one of love’s greatest challenges: loving amidst failure.
The final two chapters provide practical guidance on applying these love languages in non-traditional family settings,
specifically for single parents and parents with a blended family.
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
Overall, Gary Chapman asserts that meeting a teenager’s emotional need for love during adolescence sets them up for success.
When this fundamental need is fulfilled, they’ll navigate life’s turbulent waters and emerge as confident, healthy young adults.
This outcome is every parent’s aspiration.
Below are 10 key takeaways from Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers’
- When the teen does not feel connected, accepted, and nurtured, his inner tank is empty—and that emptiness will greatly affect the behaviour of the teen.
- When teens know their parents love them, they will have the confidence to face the negative influences in our culture that would keep them from becoming mature, productive adults.
- Parents who are around for a little time because of divorce, work schedules, etc., jeopardise the teenager’s sense of feeling connected to parents.
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To nurture your teenager first requires that you nurture yourself.
- Lack of empathy, in turn, affects the teenager’s development of conscience and moral judgment.
- Many parents believe that when their children become teenagers, they can continue to parent in the same manner that has served them well in the child’s pre-school and elementary school years.
But, this is a serious mistake because the teenager is not a child.
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Parents who treat their teenagers in the same manner in which they treated them as children will not experience the same results they received earlier.
- In the midst of the insecurity of teenage transition, affirming words are often like rain on the desert soul of a teenager.
- Timing is everything. Parents of teenagers must learn the art of appropriate timing. Good actions taken at the wrong time often backfire.
- Busy parents who want their teenagers to feel loved must make time to give their teenagers focused attention.
A teenager without focused attention will experience anxiety, insecurity, and impairment in his/her emotional and psychological growth.
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
Are you ready to dive into the world of teenagers, exploring the challenges and opportunities to show them love?
Then pick up this book and start reading.
Moreover, understanding the love languages of teenagers extends beyond parental relationships.
It’s also essential to remember that teenagers need to feel loved not only by their parents but also by other significant adults in their lives.
Whether you’re a parent to teenagers or not, many teenagers around you are craving guidance and affection.
For their sake, take the time to understand their love languages.
Also Read: Loving those who Love you is not Enough! – Diademng
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
1 Corinthians 13:1, 1-8 KJV
[1] Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
[1] IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
[2] And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge,
and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).
[3] Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing.
[4] Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
[5] It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.
Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful;
it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
[6] It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
[7] Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
[8] Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].
As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away;
as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
https://bible.com/bible/1/1co.13.1-8.KJV
