Sex and the Christian woman
Brieana Turner
Many people say the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. The true definition of insanity for a believer is knowing exactly what God has commanded you to do (or not do) and still doing it anyway.
Today, it seems that sex is everywhere. The less clothes you have on, the more people flock to you. The more sexual you portray yourself to be, the more “popular” you become.
I went through a phase where I equated sex to love. And I felt that if someone wanted to have sex with me, then they loved me. Ignorantly, I would give myself away to people and I felt like it was okay, because I “knew” them or “we were friends first”. Nothing I was doing honored God in any way, and I knew it.
After a short, worthless session of sexual sin, I almost always felt convicted. I would lie to myself and make myself believe that if I went to church on Sundays and went to bible studies on Wednesdays, then a little sex every now and then really didn’t matter. God would still forgive me, but that was the furthest things from the truth. I was filthy on the inside. My heart wasn’t pure, so my “worship” on Sundays meant nothing, because I was back to being worldly as soon as I stepped out of church.
Everything around me was falling apart. I kept wondering why God wasn’t answering any of my prayers. Psalms 34:17 clearly states that God hears the prayers of the righteous. (The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.)
God began to strip everything away from me. My eyes began to open, and I realized I was creating soul ties with people who weren’t even meant to be a part of my life.
I started to fast and pray and ask God for a release. I began to get so desperate for God that anyone who stood in my way had an open door to leave. Nothing else mattered to me anymore, except my relationship with the Lord.
Is there a situation in your life that has made you desperate for God? If so, what was the situation?
I didn’t want to only seek God because of a desperation and waiting for a husband that was never promised to me. I wanted more of Jesus. I wanted to know everything about Him! I wanted the honeymoon stage with the Lord to last forever and I wanted to learn to love Him the same way He loved me: unconditionally.
Would I be truly satisfied if I was called into a life of singleness? Would I be able to be part of fulfilling His mission for my life even if He never did things my way? Was I as desperate for God like I was desperate for a man? The love I was searching for was here all along.
I took a personal vow of abstinence. I did not decide to become abstinent so that God could send me a husband. I didn’t have a hidden motive for God to grant me all of my desires. I was abstinent because I wanted to obey God. I told the Lord that even if I was called into a life of singleness, I would honor Him with my heart, mind. and body.
Sex outside of a marriage commitment left me empty and convicted, with a void no human on earth could fulfill.
Imagine loving someone with all of your heart and soul and every day and they ripped your heart out, knowing the things they were doing were not pleasing to you. That’s exactly what we do to God when we blatantly do the things that He has told us not to do. Temporary pleasure will never lead to permanent satisfaction.
Are you only obeying God in order to convince Him to move for your behalf? If God’s Will doesn’t align with your desires, would you be okay with this truth?
Sexual expression is everywhere: movies, music, videos, conversations, social media…everywhere.
Our culture is selling sex, promoting sex, and proclaiming that sexual activity is the norm. Those who are following Christ are being bombarded with the lie that being sexually active will satisfy the deep need for intimacy. We cannot look to society to learn what God’s call in the area of sexuality is.
Instead, as Christians should in every area of our lives, we must look to Scripture to learn what God expects from us and how God protects us in this area of sex.
1 Thessalonians 4 is very clear that God’s will for His children is that we should avoid sexual immorality. That simply means that God wants us to save our sexual activity to share with our husband in the bounds of a God-ordained marriage.
How can believers in Christ win the battle of staying sexually pure in such a sexually charged society? There are three keys to winning that battle:
- Recognize the Standard
God has set certain standards for our protection and for our good. God’s call to holiness is not arbitrary and confining. God is not trying to ruin our fun or be the cosmic killjoy.
God knows what is best for us. And, God has said that what is in our best interest for our relationship with Him and with others, including our boyfriend, is to wait until after marriage to express the sexual component of our relationship. It is for our good that God set this standard.
What standards do you have set for your personal life?
- Understand the Cost
Choosing to be sexually active does bring a great cost to the individual and the relationship.
We carry every sexual partner we ever have for the rest of our lives. Do we really want to bring several or many people, or even just one other person, into our marriage bedroom? This will cost us baggage and tension in the most important human relationship we will have—our marriage.
This does not even consider the very real possibility of an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. God knows that it costs us something to be sexually active before marriage, and that cost is simply too high.
We all have done things we regret. If you’ve engaged in sex before marriage, what are some of your regrets and how did you overcome them?
If you have not engaged in sex before marriage, what boundaries have you set up in your personal life in order to remain pure?
- Relish the Reward
If it’s God’s will for you, one day, after a beautiful wedding, you will close the bedroom door and have the opportunity to share the most physically intimate act with the person that you will love most in this world, your new spouse.
You have a special gift that you can only give to one person, your purity. Wouldn’t you like to be able to give to that most special person on that most special night, that most special gift?
If you carelessly throw that gift away and waste it on someone else you will not have that gift to give. Even if you’re not a virgin, you have the opportunity today to ask God for forgiveness and start your abstinence journey again! You are not damaged goods.
God knows what He’s doing when He calls us to wait until we are married to be sexually active. Listen to that call and live up to that standard. You will be glad you did.
Why is abstinence before marriage important to God? Why should abstinence be important to you?
Definitions:
Celibacy refers to a vow that a person takes to refrain from sexual activity and intercourse.
Abstinence is a voluntary choice to not have sexual intercourse or engage in sexual activity for a certain amount of time. This can include being abstinent until marriage.
