Do you know what it means to let go of control? I mean, truly begin surrendering to God? To completely release all control to someone or something else and accept things as the way they are? I don’t know about you, but it’s something I struggled with for a very long time. As humans, we have an inherent desire to maintain control over our lives and to direct our futures. Yet, as Christians, the only way we can experience all that God has for us is by surrendering to His will.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8
Growing up, I was a type-A personality – I liked to be in control, didn’t like surprises and had specific plans for my life. I knew what I wanted (and what I didn’t want) and would go after it. Any time something didn’t go as I had expected, I would spin into a state of stress and anxiety. It took a toll on my health and manifested in constant sickness, interrupting my plans which sent me further into a spiral of stress-induced anxiety. What I thought was a strength – my tendency to plan my life and focus on the future – was a weakness.
I was in denial. I knew I was caught up in a cycle that was detrimental to my mental and physical health and yet my desire for perfection and achievement was greater. It was this very desire that kept me stagnant in my relationship with God for so many years.
I had given my heart to Christ at the ripe young age of eight, excited to spend my life with the One who loved me despite my flaws. I did all the things a ‘good’ Christian should do – I prayed, read my Bible, went to church, and served – yet I wasn’t all in. It was as though I had one foot on either side of the ‘boundary lines’. I lived a life that pleased me rather than pleasing God. It’s ironic because one of the first Bible verses I ever learned and the one I claimed to be my favourite, was Jeremiah 29:11!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I was a lukewarm Christian. Until the unthinkable happened.
My mum landed in the hospital with a brain aneurysm (internal bleeding). It shook my world. For some clarity for those of you unfamiliar with brain aneurysms, let me explain. After a brain aneurysm, the first two weeks are the most critical, a balance between life and death. Many who do survive end up with memory loss, partial paralysis or speech difficulty. It felt like the longest two weeks of my life. My mother’s life was under threat and there was nothing I could do about it except pray. I needed a miracle. And I got one. I’m happy to say that today, my mother is alive and healthy, her brain fully functioning and her body completely mobile. God is so good!
Not long after her initial period of recovery, my mum got water baptised. Her strength and courage to make this bold declaration encouraged me to do the same. God had spared her life, so the least I could do was wholeheartedly give mine to Him, right? That was the defining point for me. From the moment I made that public declaration, I was all in. No more trying to control my future, resisting the will of God. I made a promise that I would live in complete surrender to Him. I was going to listen to His calling on my life and let God write my story.
Since then, God has taken me on a journey of trust. As I’ve allowed Him to direct my life, He has shown Himself to be faithful. Each time God has asked me to take a step of faith, my “yes” has become easier. Easier to let go of my desires and align myself with His plan.
From sacrificing a day of work a week to volunteer at Church, to embarking on mission trips, I’ve done all the things I said I would never do. My life is so much fuller because of it. More recently, I followed the voice of God and resigned from my job of over 7 years to do the unknown. A mere few months later, I became chronically ill and physically unable to work (read my story here). This mandatory pause isn’t what I had expected. Yet, I trust that my future is secure in the hands of God.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28
Whether you’re a control freak or have a laissez-faire attitude toward life, I want you to know that the best decision you’ll ever make is to completely surrender your life to the will of God. Perhaps your life hasn’t gone the way you had expected. No matter where you find yourself at this moment, God has an incredible plan for your life. Rest in that truth today and let God be the captain of your ship!
