Encouragement For Parents of Children with Disabilities

Angela Ray Rodgers

So many questions run through a parent’s mind when their child is born with a disability or medical condition:

Why my child? Did I do something wrong? What am I going to do now? Can I take care of my child?

God works through everyone, even the weakest of us all. 

I will be the first to tell you that the moment when you realize your child’s life is going to be much different from other children’s is scary.

It can bring out emotions from within yourself that you never knew existed—

like jealousy or anger toward friends and family members with healthy children.

And It can get to the point where you isolate yourself and your child in your own little world of pity and sorrow.

During these times, you must realize that there is a greater purpose and plan for your child.

Encouragement For Parents of Children with Disabilities

God has a specific reason for your child to have a disability.

It is not to punish anyone but to show how God works through everyone, even the weakest of us all. 

A person with a disability or medical condition can move the hardest of hearts.

God softens these people through the struggles that people with disabilities and medical conditions face.

Even though your child may not do things like other children their age, they will do things that only they can do.

I’ve seen Grace Anna’s life touch people in ways I never could. That’s not us; that’s God. 

Write down whatever things you think you did wrong that could have caused your child to be born differently.

Now take that piece of paper and destroy it however you like.

Wad it up, burn it, or rip it to shreds.

Do whatever you need to do and get it out of your mind that you caused this. 

God needs you to take care of his most precious gift for whom he has a big plan.

He doesn’t have time for you to feel sorry for yourself or your child.

You’ve got work to do for him.

One day, you will see what great work he has done through your child,

and you will also see that their life can be full of joy and hope like every other life God has created.

Get up and move on. It’s not your fault. God has a plan.

Encouragement For Parents of Children with Disabilities 

John 9:2-4 KJV

[2] And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

[3] Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

[4] I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.

https://bible.com/bible/1/jhn.9.2.KJV

As a parent of a child with a disability, I’ve found that one of my toughest parenting tasks is helping my daughter make lasting friendships.

I never want Grace Anna to have friendships out of pity;

I want her to have meaningful connections with her peers.

For a while I believed she didn’t bond with others because of her disability when, in fact, it was her lack of interactions.

It was my responsibility as her mom to step outside of my comfort zone and introduce her to people I wouldn’t ordinarily spend time with.

I’m an outdoorsy, athletic woman,

and I sometimes find it difficult to connect with people who enjoy very different hobbies and interests.

I was focusing on the outside—how the girls played or how well I knew their parents. But I wasn’t focusing on who these people were on the inside.

Instead, I was judging them on how they appeared, which was hypocritical considering that is exactly what I didn’t want people to do with Grace Anna.

I didn’t and still don’t want her judged for how she looks or how she does things. 

As much as we may want to do things for our children with disabilities, we also need to teach them how to make friends.

Our children need to learn to recognize godly characteristics that are eternal: joy, kindness, courteousness, graciousness, respect, honesty, compassion, peace, and self-control.

We should teach our children to possess these traits and look for them in friendships.

As the old saying goes,

“Birds of a feather flock together.”

We want our children to be drawn to godly people whether they have a disability or not.

Encouragement For Parents of Children with Disabilities

Don’t focus on your child’s outward appearance or the appearances of other children.

Our bodies are here for a short time, and it is those eternal qualities within our spirits that matter the most.

Grace Anna now enjoys a group of friends that she loves dearly and who also love her.

They treat her like a little girl and not a little girl with a disability. 

You can get your child involved in something outside both of your comfort zones.

Sit down together and allow your child to choose an activity or event to get involved with.

Teach them how to meet new people and how to present themselves.

It may not work the first time, but from my experience, children can’t make friends when they don’t have opportunities to meet new people. 

One of the things you are going to have to get used to as a parent of a child with a disability is that people don’t understand.

I wish I could say that they eventually understand once they’re involved in your lives,

and see firsthand what your family goes through, but it isn’t going to happen.

Why? They don’t live it. 

I used to come home furious and in tears because the people around me had little to no consideration of what we were going through as a family.

My tears did not help the situation at home.

Grace Anna had to have more surgeries, and she still had pain.

But My tears and pity party were not going to make things better.

I had to realize that other people had to live their lives, and we had to live ours.

They can only understand so much of a life that they themselves do not live.

I often felt absolutely alone, but if I had just remembered God’s Word, I would have realized that God was right there, waiting for me to look up.

It gets hard. It gets old. But God never said life would be easy.

All throughout the Bible, we read of people like Job, Peter, Gideon, and many more whose lives were anything but easy.

Their lives teach us that people will not always lift you up.

Instead, we must remember that God helped them through each trial. He will help you, too, if you ask him to guide you.

You must also realize that everyone is going through something.

Other people’s lives may seem perfect, but no one’s is.

Do we reach out to them? Are we there for other people who are going through tough things?

We have to stop focusing on whatever we don’t have and focus on what our heavenly Father has for us: victory in him. 

He has also blessed us with someone he doesn’t give to just anyone.

Our children have special needs,

and I believe with all of my heart that God loves us so much that he entrusted us with caring for the weakest and most fragile of his children.

How much he must love and trust us to allow us to be their parents.

He gives us what we need, and he gives our children with disabilities the helpers they need.

If we are overwhelmed, how must our children with disabilities feel?

Encouragement For Parents of Children with Disabilities 

Seek help from people who understand.

Befriend someone else who has a child with a disability.

Join a support group for parents of children with disabilities.

Start your own Bible study group for parents with children with disabilities.

You will find that many people are out there and living lives just like yours.

God will send you the supportive people you need, and you can be supportive to them.

Your child can even make new connections through those same interactions.

Be positive and be active.

Encouragement For Parents of Children with Disabilities

Also Read: EYES UP – Diademng (thediademng.org) 

Angela Ray Rodgers is also the author of Who Do You See When You Look At Me?  and Grace Anna Sings.