I would never subscribe to the notion that divine guidance is not necessary or required in the choice of a spouse by a believer.
The choice of a life (marriage) partner by a Christian has far-reaching consequences for all aspects of their life. I believe the tendency by some believers to readily pooh-pooh the idea of praying or seeking God’s will in marriage is risky as it is unscriptural.
The Bible says in Psam 37:23; “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord….”
Proverbs 3:5 says: “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding”. Verse 6 says we should acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will direct our paths.
Based on this verses above, I find it utterly ridiculous that a Christian who prays for guidance in all other areas of their life would with an attitude of derision downplay the matter of seeking to know God’s will in marriage. That is what I call carnalisation of God’s will in marriage.
However, we should also know that the overspiritualisation of God’s will in marriage is also a ridiculous thing. While I won’t contest the veracity of claims of those who say they were guided to choose their partners through dreams, visions or audible voice from heaven, I’d say it is dangerous to hold these as God’s surest means of divine leading. God isn’t a personality you limit His ways and patterns to the small box you have constructed for Him in your mind.
The responsibility of a child of God is to pray for divine leading on all major aspects of life. But how God leads each person is His business and not anyone else.
I submit that God may guide and He often guides the judgement or reasoning of a believer in making choices in life including whom to marry. A Christian man who has been praying for God’s marriage may use his divinely-led judgement to decide whom to marry among several ladies. He does not necessarily need to hear a voice, see a vision or feel a push of the Holy Spirit in his heart.
A Christian man or woman may just fall in love with someone and that could be ordered by God. God can use circumstances, long-term friendship between a brother and a sister to lead people into marriage. He may even use a third party to introduce a person to their would-be spouse even if it looks like match-making. God is sovereign. He isn’t some programmed robot who must function according to default configuration.
It is noteworthy that the knowledge of God’s will in marriage may not come suddenly to some individuals. They may have to make sure that they find a man or lady who meets certain criteria before they are satisfied they are doing the right thing.
Let me explain what I mean. If you, a woman enjoy singing and believe you have been called to minister in songs to the body of Christ but starts courting a man who doesn’t appreciate what you do and would discourage or frustrate your calling, It becomes clear that you are incompatible. it may be better to quit the relationship even if you “felt led” to him initially. It doesn’t matter if you heard his name in a dream. The Bible says “Can two walk together except they be agreed( Amos 3:3)?
Let me give you another example. Let’s say you are called to be a missionary, and you are willing to give up your lucrative business for the “uncertainties” of the mission field and are already in a relationship with a lady through what you thought to be a divine leading. But it becomes clear to you that the sister would not want to hear or support your divine assignment. She would rather you stayed in the city and rose to the top of your professional career, it may be better for you to end the relationship.
Other factors that should be considered in the choice of a marriage partner include compatibility in doctrine, compatibility in intellect, good behaviour, and so on.
While there are minor issues on which one can make concessions, there are important ones that one cannot just overlook. You cannot deliberately step into a raging fire while claiming you are divinely let to do so.
I am simply saying spirituality doesn’t cancel pragmatism. Absence of pragmatism would only fuel overspiritualisation of God’s will in marriage.
