Followers of Christ are citizens of a different world—a spiritual one, a world that is being prepared for the church.

According to the author of Hebrews, the common theme of believers who lived by faith in God’s promises was their desire for a better place—a heavenly one (Heb. 11:16).

Peter reminded the church that they were “strangers and exiles” (1 Peter 2:11), and Paul pointed the Philippian believers to their citizenship in heaven (Phil. 3:20). Scripture makes clear that the people of God should not resemble the world because they are a distinct nation living under God’s reign.

Due to our sinful nature, there are times when believers lose sight of their status as people of another kingdom and begin to blend into this world through sinful actions. For those who genuinely know the Lord, however, there is repentance and a desire to no longer be conformed to the patterns of the world (Rom. 12:2).

If you have fallen into sin or have never heard biblical teaching on this, please know that in Christ there is full forgiveness, cleansing, newness of life, and community.

For many twenty-first century Christians, a prevalent area of blending with the world is the realm of Sex, Dating, and Relationships.

Biblical teaching regarding sexual ethics has always stood at odds with the world, and, frankly, there are professing Christians who are not interested in being at odds anymore. Today, many Christians would rather be on the “right side” of issues in the world’s eyes.

The Bible allows for a societally acceptable stance on poverty and racial reconciliation, but many Christians seem embarrassed by the clear sexual ethics the Bible calls them to pursue under the lordship of Christ. The world applauds caring about the poor but accuses the church of oppressive, out-of-date extremism when it comes to what the Bible says about sexuality.

In a Twitter thread on the connection between biblical views of justice and sexual purity, Tim Keller wrote that the early church was marked by a deep concern for the poor and for racial equality, and at the same time, it taught that sex was only for the mutually self-giving and life-long covenant of marriage.

Keller remarked that these two are a “whole cloth united by the principle of self-sacrifice, of ‘losing one’s self to find one’s self.’” In Christ, we can understand how the Bible’s teaching on sex is consistent with its broader calls to self-sacrifice, whereas the world may not have a legitimate model for that.

There are others who (rather than being embarrassed) simply do not want to be bothered by what the Bible says about sex, who see God as a type of prude or view biblical sexual ethics as something reserved for legalists.

Perhaps they see it as an inconvenience for religious beliefs to interfere with such personal life choices. As a result, too many professing Christians today identify more with Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City than with the True Love Waits card of another era. The pendulum has swung to a “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality.

The sexual ethics of the world should feel like a foreign land to followers of Jesus, but I see many falling into the norms of a secular society while still claiming Christian faith and identity.

Lets’ dive into three of the seven primary lies that Christians may believe as they sojourn through this life on earth.

Lie #1: Sex is Expected

To enter a dating relationship nowadays is the equivalent of agreeing to only sleep with each other for the period during which the couple remains in the relationship. What was once the first kiss is now sleeping together. This is especially prevalent on college campuses, where “hookup culture” is a normal part of the experience for many.

To guard against sexual temptation, the critical factor for a Christian should be certainty that the person he or she is dating is a Christian of strong convictions. This does not guarantee sexual purity, but it starts you off wisely in a relationship with someone who is not of this world and is striving to follow Christ.

When a Christian begins dating an unbeliever, he or she is likely walking into a world where sex is expected. This should not be a surprise. Sometimes the initial rhetoric is that the unbeliever “respects” the other person’s beliefs and isn’t going to pressure anything, but that usually doesn’t last long. I also wonder if Christians who are dating unbelievers realize what is communicated by that relationship: that faith is not important to them in finding a future spouse.

Being attracted to another person, admiring a great personality, feeling some sort of chemistry—those are apparently more important than faith. Yes, there are stories of people being led to Christ through this practice (often called “missionary dating”), but this merely shows that God is bigger than our bad decisions and misplaced priorities.

Not to mention that if sex is part of a missionary dating relationship that results in a conversion to Christianity, my concern would be that the individual was won to something other than Christ.

Perhaps he or she now attends church with the girlfriend or boyfriend’s family, but is that person truly following Christ? Furthermore, if the Christian in the relationship is living in sin, why would we think genuine conversion is taking place without repentance?

When we combine our natural yearning for a relationship with a world where sex is expected, it’s almost guaranteed that the relationship will become sexual or that the Christian’s convictions will irritate the other person and the couple will break up.

I am not trying to villainize unbelievers. I’m also not claiming that sex is inevitable in a dating relationship. Rather, I am stating that a believer is most vulnerable when two completely different sets of convictions regarding sex come together. Someone’s convictions are going to run that relationship.

While the apostle Paul’s words to the Corinthian church regarding being “unequally yoked” are not necessarily in the context of a dating relationship, the principle absolutely applies in this scenario: “Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor. 6:14–15).

What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? Similar hobbies and personalities that “gel” equate to little in common at all without Christ.

For a Christian dating couple who share convictions from the Scriptures, sex may be a temptation, but it should never be an expectation.

Therefore, since dating is the typical avenue to engagement and marriage, Christian individuals and communities must be clear about where Scripture draws lines in terms of sexual ethics.

 Battling sexual temptation with a fellow believer and seeking godly help in doing so is a far cry from starting a relationship in secret with someone who has a completely different set of beliefs regarding sex.