Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence and Seeking Help

Interview with Esther Nwogwugwu, Founder, ‘Talk With Esther Therapy’.

Anyone who can seek help when they need it is the most courageous and the strongest.

It takes courage and strength to make requests.

Only confident people ask for what they want / need.

Meet Esther Nwogwugwu, a distinguished member of the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Association For Counseling Matchmaking & Psychotherapy of Nigeria (ACMPN).

As a dedicated psychotherapist, child psychologist,

and Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) Specialist, Esther has established herself as a leading expert in mental wellness.

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With a strong background in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

and specializations in trauma-related disorders, child/teen counselling, relationship counselling, and emotion dysregulation,

Esther brings a wealth of knowledge to her role as lead psychotherapist at ‘Talk With Esther Therapy,’

a renowned Mental Health & Wellness Organisation in Port-Harcourt, Nigeria.

In this insightful interview with The Diadem Magazine, Esther generously shares her expertise,

dispelling stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding mental health

while offering invaluable insights into addressing this critical aspect of our mental well-being.

Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence and Seeking Help

DCM: Welcome to TheDiadem Magazine. We are honoured to have you. So what inspired you to pursue a career in psychotherapy, and what motivates you to continue in this field?

Esther: Thank you; it’s a delight to be here.

For context, my first degree is in English and Literary Studies from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka.

So, I hadn’t been in the Psychology field all the while.

From a tender age, I discovered that I am an Empath and one who is deeply concerned about the needs and well-being of others.

I find myself always easily relating with the pains and joys of others. I can also read people and understand their unspoken pains.

During my secondary school days as a teen, I realised that students often came to share their problems and secrets with me,

and, amazingly, they believed that I had a solution for them and that I would keep it confidential,

even without requesting. And when they put my advice into action, it worked for them.

Also, some personal life experiences further strengthened and deepened my passion for helping people who are going through pain.

My motivation to continue stems from the fact that I love what I do;

I am passionate about it. I feel fulfilled doing this job, and the greatest motivation is the fact that my practice is highly result-oriented;

the positive feedback from clients about their mental well-being improving, and the quality of our services, all keep me going.

DCM: Delving into mental health. What are some common mental health challenges faced by people that we barely know about, and how can they be addressed?

Esther: There are a lot of mental health challenges people face that we barely know about.

First, let me make this clear: there’s a difference between a Mental Disorder and a Mental Illness.

A Mental Disorder refers to a less severe mental health concern that can be managed,

and treated with different therapy types, with little or no need for drug administration.

Examples: Depression, anxiety, relationship/marriage breakups, Grief/Bereavement, etc.

A Mental Illness, on the other hand, refers to a severe mental issue;

that requires a combination of both therapy and antipsychotics, amongst other drug prescriptions, by a Psychiatrist.

There’s usually a need to see a Psychiatrist more often, and such illnesses are long-term or lifetime, affecting the individual’s sense of reality—psychosis.

Examples: Clinical Depression, Post-partum Psychosis, Bipolar, Multiple Personality Disorder, etc.

Some of these common mental health challenges that we may barely know about are:

ACEs—Adverse Childhood Experiences, Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Narcissism/NPD—Narcissistic Personality Disorder,

Multiple Personality Disorder, PTSD—Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Post-Partum Psychosis, Post-Partum Disorder,

Pica’s Disease, Pornography addiction, SAD—Substance and Drug use addiction, Smart-Phone Addiction, amongst others.

Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence and Seeking Help

The best way we can do better is to first create awareness about them and the signs to look out for,

so affected individuals know where to seek help from and get early intervention.

Encourage affected individuals to seek professional help without stigmatizing them.

DCM: Do you think we are not raising enough awareness about mental health? If yes, how do you think we can do better?

Esther: Yes, please; I do not just think but believe that we are not raising enough awareness about mental health.

We can do better by first understanding the holistic definition of health as given by the WHO—World Health Organisation—

as the overall state of well-being of an individual, spiritually, biologically, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

So, the moment we realise that Mental Health is a part of us and everyone has mental health, the more intentional we become, the less stigma we place on the topic of Mental Health.

Mental Health should be included in school curriculum from Primary school levels up to universities.

People should normalise seeking professional help; men, especially, should not be called weak for expressing their emotions or seeking help.

People who show behavioural signs that are weird should be encouraged to seek help.

Schools at all levels, from Primary to Tertiary, should employ the services of Mental Health Professionals,

who can attend to the emotional and mental well-being of the pupils or students in their care.

We should delete from our minds that Mental Health is synonymous with madness because it isn’t.

Mental Health is simply mind health, not madness.

DCM: What are some common myths or misconceptions about mental health, and how do you address them?

Esther: Some common myths or misconceptions about Mental Health are:

– Mental health is madness.

– Anyone who sees a mental health professional is mad.

– Only weak men seek help.

– Real men don’t cry.

– I’d rather go to the grave with my problems than share them with anyone.

– Narcissism/NPD—Narcissistic Personality Disorder—can only be found in men.

– Paying for mental health services is a waste of my money.

– Mental health is a luxury.

(and)- Mental health issues are for a certain kind of people.

(or)- Mental health is a reward for sin/wrongdoing.

(also)- Mental health isn’t genetic; it’s always dependent on the individual.

– Only women need therapy; men don’t need therapy—we can always get it over, or we can step down our problems with a bottle or more of alcohol.

– Children and teenagers do not have mental health concerns; they are just pretending—they need more flogging/discipline.

– I will raise my child the way I was raised, and there’s nothing wrong with it, after all—I didn’t die despite all I went through.

The list goes on and on.

Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence and Seeking Help

One of the ways I address these myths is by accentuating that everyone has mental health, both male and female, so, they should guard it jealously.

Men should be encouraged to seek help; they shouldn’t bear burdens alone.

Everyone deserves fair treatment.

The one who seeks help is the strongest.

By creating this awareness, I create a mindset restructuring for people to unlearn these myths,

and learn and relearn the truths about mental health.

DCM: How do you respond to people who believe that mental health issues are a sign of weakness or personal failing?

Esther: My response is that anyone who can seek help when they need it is the most courageous and the strongest.

It takes courage and strength to make requests. Only confident people ask for what they want/need.

As humans, we are infallible; so it’s okay to fall, fail, and not get it right.

But, like I would often say:

“When you fall, rise up! When you break, get mended! When you pause, resume! Don’t ever stop as long as there’s breath in you. Get going!”

DCM: I notice people find it difficult to speak out about their mental issues due to stigmas attached or fear. How do we encourage more people to speak openly about their mental health experiences and struggles?

Esther: We encourage people first by speaking about our own struggles.

Most times, our stories serve as the safe landing spots that others need to share theirs and seek help.

Let’s normalise talking about our struggles, with the intent of letting heavy burdens go, getting help, and enlightening others.

Let’s show empathy towards people struggling with one mental health challenge or the other.

If you have no gracious or empathetic words to say, there’s something great you can give too: SILENCE.

Better to be silent than to speak many wounds to the hearts of humans.

Encouraging others who share their mental health struggles with us to see a Professional can help,

instead of adding insult to injury

or telling your even more pathetic story, and at the end of the day, none of you gets the required help.

By creating awareness about these mental health conditions and the reassuring hope that professional help is available, we encourage them better.

DCM: How do you think social media has impacted mental health, particularly among young people, and suggest ways they can use it better to help their mental health?

Esther: Social media has impacted mental health, particularly among young people, both positively and negatively.

Positively, in the sense that when people share their struggles online, others are encouraged to share theirs and seek help as well.

There’s a rise of more Mental Health Professionals and Advocates that are spreading the good news of Mental Health and Wellness;

so people are gradually getting more Mental Health aware and more Mental health-informed.

There are Tele-Therapy/Virtual Therapy Services, Platforms,

Mobile and Web Apps available for people to access Mental Health Care.

Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence and Seeking Help

Then, talking about the negative impact,

we see young people are under pressure to compete and be like certain public figures they look up to—

which robs them of gratitude, allows anxiety and depression to set in, and low self-esteem struggles.

Body Image Issues:

Many young people compare their body physiques, skin colour, hair, eye colour, etc. to those of the people they see.

This causes depression, low self-esteem, and the need to reorder a part or more of their bodies just to feel accepted or to impress others.

Identity crisis:

The fact that Young people always look out for influential people and celebrities to emulate,

they try everything possible to mimic those celebrities, trying every way to be like them,

thereby altering their original identity and leaving them in a state of confusion of “Who really am I?”

The advent of trolls and cyber-bullies:

People who derive pleasure in cyber-bullying, probably because they know there’s no physical interaction,

and they feel their victims cannot do anything to them.

The impact of cyberbullying and trolling can lead to depression, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, and actual suicide.

Better ways young people can use social media is by:

– Looking out for Mental Health Service brands and professionals that advocate Mental Health and Wellness, so they can stay informed.

– Building self-esteem and confidence such that no external pressure from what they see online can easily influence them.

– Becoming advocates for mental health and wellness by encouraging their peers to speak out when they have the need, and by condemning vices such as cyberbullying, stalking, etc.

– Taking advantage of those Mental Health Teletherapy services to care for their mental health.

– Intentionally choosing the people they follow on social media and allow into their space.

DCM: I noticed that many times, due to how ignorant a lot of us are about mental health, we are not sensitive about people’s mental health.

How can individuals and communities be more sensitive and better respond to those struggling with mental health issues even when they don’t speak?

Esther: One way individuals and Communities can be more sensitive

and better respond to those struggling with mental health issues is first by obeying the golden rule:

“Do to others what you would want them to do to you.”

This brings us to a need for empathy.

It’s a life skill and virtue that every human should have and can cultivate.

Except in Narcissists, who are bereft of empathy by design—a sad reality, though.

Gain knowledge about what mental health really is.

That way, we are better informed about what these struggles are and how to handle them.

When you are not sure of the right things to say, better be silent.

Be kind to those struggling with mental health issues,

as some of these struggles are a result of the aftermath of certain horrifying life events some victims experienced in their lifetime.

Sensitisation can be done in the different local languages of Communities.

That way, the message goes down to the grassroots.

Then, we need to understand that subjecting victims of mental health concerns to Deliverance, insisting that there’s a spiritual problem, isn’t the solution.

Get knowledge first about what is happening and know how best to handle it.

Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence and Seeking Help

DCM: Can you share a particular testimony you’ve had as a mental health professional to mental health patients?

Esther: We have recorded lots of testimonies from our clients, but I’d anonymously share these few.

We have recorded successes with clients who struggled in their relationships/marriages

and had thought they were the problem, only to realise, while in therapy, that they were married to a narcissist.

That eye-opening realisation of what their problem really was set them free from years of struggling and thinking that they were the problem.

Also, as a Child Psychologist, we have worked with children whose parents said,

“This child will not open up to you or anyone. We have tried everything, hired therapists, yet nothing has changed.”

But the record is broken when, from the first session with such children, they open up secrets that even their parents aren’t aware of,

and before their therapy sessions are done,

the parents already start sending in positive reviews about tremendous behavioural changes and improvements, even in their academics.

I’d close with this one: the testimonies we have received from victims of Childhood trauma

and how they got to realise that the reason for most of their adulthood behaviours can be traced to the ACEs—Adverse Childhood Experiences they had.

The healing they received, the improvement in their behaviours,

and the better people they became after enrolling in our Trauma Healing School are all testament to the fact that therapy with the right professionals works.