You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

What are you running so hard after? What new circumstance do you believe will change everything?

Reaching your milestone probably won’t feel as good as you thought it would.

By: Meghan Ryan Asbury

Realizing that life hasn’t turned out the way we hoped can leave us feeling disillusioned and disappointed.

But we don’t have to stay that way!

Through these message and thoughtful reflections alongside author Meghan Ryan Asbury,

you’ll discover how in the midst of a life you never expected, you can still create a life you love.

My life still doesn’t look anything like I thought it would at this point.

Many days I’m disappointed by my reality because my circumstances haven’t yet been tied up in a pretty bow.

Maybe you have similar circumstances you wish were different. Or maybe a gap exists between where you are and where you want to be,

but you just aren’t sure what you can do about it.

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

How Did I Get Here?

I lay on my bed and stared at another popcorn ceiling. The ceiling started to blur as tears ran down my cheeks.

In my mid-twenties, I had just moved into my eighth house in eight years,

with my thirteenth roommate—wait, make that fourteenth roommate, another one had just married.

I really hoped this most recent move would be the last one for a while.

But there I was.

Different roommate. And Different popcorn ceiling. but the same feelings hovered just beneath the surface:

How did this become my life?

Did I miss something?

Am I ever going to be where I want to be?

The five-year plan I’d mentally made for my life did not include having a million roommates,

moving every year, living in my hometown, being single, dumping my life savings into a hand-me-down car, and working a job I sort of hated.

It featured a cute husband, maybe a kid or two, a house we owned, a golden retriever, and a white SUV with tan leather interior and a sunroof.

I couldn’t understand why God wasn’t cosigning the life plan I had written—especially since he seemed to be doing that for everyone else I knew.

That simultaneously made me question him and myself.

Have you ever felt this way?

As though you got stuck with a life you never wanted?

And As if everyone but you seemed to have gotten the memo on how to get what you want?

Though it’s been years since I cried and stared at that particular popcorn ceiling, I’ll confess something to you:

My life still doesn’t look anything like I thought it would at this point.

Many days I’m disappointed by my reality because my circumstances haven’t yet been tied up in a pretty bow.

Maybe you have similar circumstances you wish were different.

Or maybe a gap exists between where you are and where you want to be,

but you just aren’t sure what you can do about it.

If this is true for you, I want to invite you to go there with me, because I think we may both come out the other side a little better than we started.

Because today, I can say with full confidence that even though I don’t have everything I want, I deeply love my life.

While I was busy wishing for so many things to be different, God filled my life with more joy than I could’ve dared to imagine possible.

Not because I cracked the code to happiness or manipulated myself into delusional optimism with Band-Aid Bible verse answers.

But because I realized true satisfaction can be found between where you are and where you want to be.

What if we are missing the best parts of our lives because we are too busy looking around us?

Hebrews 12:1 says God has marked a race for us to run, but we get exhausted from chasing the lives of people around us.

We’re running endless laps around a track trying to keep up with people who had different starting points.

Not to mention, we have our own junk—that is, our sin—weighing us down and making us want to numb out.

The race of life is not actually a competition. We’re not stacked up against each other.

You aren’t losing, and the person running their race near you isn’t winning.

The race features runners going in different directions, at different paces, facing different hurdles along the way.

But the finish line is the same: eternity with Jesus.

When we take our eyes off him to focus on the racers around us, we can trip, get hurt, or throw ourselves off course.

But when we focus on what God has given us, we find a better way to live—a way to stop endlessly striving to catch up.

Right here in the middle of the messy and mundane, something bigger is at play.

Your life matters.

Right now. Today. Not tomorrow. And Not someday.

Also, Not when you get to another season or destination. And I don’t want you to miss it.

In this message, we will explore how to begin building a life you love without having everything you want. 

Hebrews 12:1 KJV

[1] Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
https://bible.com/bible/1/heb.12.1.KJV 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

Allow Yourself to Hope

We often struggle to manage the tension between excitement and disappointment.

On the one hand, we can downplay things to the point they will never be good enough.

On the other, we can hype things up so much that almost any outcome lets us down.

In an effort to manage our expectations, we do a lot of mental gymnastics.

I find myself stealing happiness from today in order to better manage potential sadness for tomorrow.

Whether it’s a new guy I’m going on dates with, a potential new opportunity at work, or something else I secretly want to work out,

I put on a front that says, “It probably won’t happen anyway.”

Don’t let them see you get too excited, or you’ll be embarrassed when you have to go back and tell them later it didn’t work out.

Being hopeful feels a little naïve, and I’m too mature for that.

I won’t get caught off guard because I’m realistic and knew this was going to happen anyway.

Maybe you’ve picked up this tendency too:

constantly using mental gymnastics to convince yourself, God, and everyone else that you are more okay than you are,

and that the thing you long for or circumstance you want to change isn’t bothering you all that much.

The reality is, we still have hope whether we want to admit it or not.

It’s how we decide to express that hope that shows what we believe.

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Hope is something hardwired in us by God.

To be joyful in hope (Romans 12:12), that hoping in Him renews our strength (Isaiah 40:31) and in hoping we won’t be put to shame (Romans 5:5).

While my past hurts and heartbreaks made me want to protect myself, I knew I’d miss so much if I didn’t let myself feel hopeful.

While learning not to manipulate your hope may feel messy, it can lay the groundwork for some really good things.

Romans 5:5 reminds us, “Hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts.”

In trying to keep ourselves from getting hurt or let down, we avoid experiencing the life right in front of us—a life that is full of really good things.

What are some parts of your life that need a little rebuilding and restoring?

Acknowledge the moments when you struggle to believe God is with you and admit when you are not okay.

Ask him to help you get your hopes up. 

Romans 5:5 KJV

[5] and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
https://bible.com/bible/1/rom.5.5.KJV 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

4 Things To Do When You Feel Behind

It was a typical Tuesday-night get-together with three of my closest friends.

However, a lot had changed in the last few weeks.

One friend had a baby, and another got married; the third friend was sharing about an exciting new job opportunity.

While I held my friend’s baby, in a beautiful new home she owned,

and listened to all the news I was genuinely so thrilled to hear, I felt myself start to panic.

I had nothing new to share. I didn’t even have the prospect of a house, husband, baby or promotion coming.

The lie looped on repeat in my head: I’m behind.

Do you ever feel like I do, like everyone is moving on without you?

Like everyone is graduating to a new phase of life, and you’re stuck where you are?

Whether it’s watching another friend get married or have a baby, or finding out someone you know is buying a home,

it’s easy to look around and wonder: Did I miss something?

In those moments, I often question myself.

Was I not in the right city or at the right job?

Did I miss what God was calling me to do?

Why does it seem like things are happening for everyone else but me?

But Psalm 27:13 tells us where we can place our confidence when we feel behind:

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”

When I reflect on this verse, I know those questions I ask myself aren’t true.

I can see glimpses of the goodness of God right now.

Yes! I can see some of the ways He has been working out the details of my life along the way.

And when I pause to reflect on this, I remember life is not about getting to the next destination or graduating to another life phase;

it’s about being faithful with what’s in front of you and around you right now. (Hebrews 11:13)

If you’re feeling “behind” today, here are four ways I’ve found encouragement to combat those lies:

Pray with honesty.

We can still be honest about what we long for even when we learn to enjoy what we have now.

Prayer has the power to change things, so don’t stop asking and believing for God to move. (1 Peter 5:7)

Put down the social media.

When we stop looking at what everyone else has or what they are doing, we are better able to love the life that’s right in front of us. (James 3:16)

Practice gratitude.

Slowing down long enough to appreciate the gifts God has already given makes us feel less like we are missing out on something. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Change your perspective.

There are things in my life today that I used to pray for, and that perspective changes how I live.

There are also things in my life that other people are praying for. (Hebrews 12:2)

There are still many days when I’m frustrated by things that haven’t changed in my life.

But when we look back and see evidence of God’s faithfulness then, we can have confidence He is still being faithful now.

The next time you experience the fear of being behind, remember: You are not behind.

God is writing a story that is unique to YOU.

It may not be the story you want, and it may not be in the timing you want, but He is not leaving you behind.

Over and over, the Bible shows us He has not forgotten us.

Like Romans 8:28 says, whatever He is working out behind the scenes is for your good and His glory. 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

Identify the Lies You Are Believing

What makes you feel behind?

Is it your relationship status?

Where you are in your career?

The amount of money you have, the things you own, or the place you live?

Or is it something less visible?

Is it how insecure you feel? Despite your age, do you still find yourself walking into a room and feeling small or left out?

Is it a lack of confidence in who you are? Even if you can fake it on the outside, do you worry you’ll never be good enough?

Or is it another struggle you’ve yet to outgrow?

No matter how many times you’ve tried, you just can’t seem to overcome that same cycle you’ve been in for years—and you’re starting to wonder if you ever will.

Maybe it’s your relationship with the Lord. Do you still have questions and doubts?

And Do you feel like this whole Christian thing should be easier?

Does everyone around you seem to have a handbook on how to get close to God, but you somehow missed that class in Sunday school?

When everyone around us seems to have it all together, we can feel like we are falling apart in comparison.

It’s okay to be honest with yourself and God about what you hope could be different.

Being honest with Him is where we find out who He really is, which is faithful (2 Thessalonians 3:3), good (Nahum 1:7), and kind (Romans 11:22).

Then, you can start to untangle the lies you believe about yourself and about him that rob your heart and mind of seeing what is true.

So, we return to what is true.

We open our Bibles and find out what God has to say about the lies we believe.

I’ve found three simple steps to do this:

Acknowledge something is a lie.

If it contradicts God’s Word, it’s not true.

Sometimes we need a faithful friend’s help, so send the text or make the phone call and ask someone if what you’re believing is a lie.

Replace the lie with what the Bible says is true.

(And there’s no shame in googling to find a verse if you don’t know where to look.)

Repeat God’s words over and over until they feel real.

Which sometimes feels crazy, but eventually the words will stick.

Then the next time the lie creeps back in, the truth will more quickly come to mind.

That’s it.

If the enemy whispers in your ear, you can tell him and yourself of what’s true:

God has a good purpose and plan for you. (Jeremiah 29:11) 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

Be Careful How You Cope

We, at times, all have an ache in us for more—a discontentment with life not turning out the way we thought it would.

When we have moments, days, or even years of waiting for it to be “our turn,” that discontentment can wear on us.

In the middle of waiting, we can start to believe we are the only ones who feel this way.

(and) When that happens, we usually try to take control of our circumstances—sometimes not in a good way.

(also) When people get stuck feeling behind, they try to cope.

Coping mechanisms can help us get through challenging emotions and circumstances.

Still, they can easily go too far when they become the source of our satisfaction and escape from reality or the only way we can function.

Another problem with coping mechanisms is that they rarely fix what’s going on beneath the surface.

If we don’t address what we are trying to avoid, we will never experience the abundance God has in store.

He is the coping mechanism we need to pursue. John 15:4 says,

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

We all have ways we overcompensate for feeling behind.

Some coping mechanisms may include:

• Collecting experiences (especially ones that look really good on social media)
• Overindulging and spending more money than you have on clothes, food, and trips
• Jam-packing your daily schedule because you’re afraid of what might happen when you get still and quiet
• Avoiding your own feelings by staying busy and over-committing to activities
• Choosing to separate yourself from certain people or situations that might remind you you’re not where you want to be

What are you running so hard after?

And What new circumstance do you believe will change everything?

Reaching your milestone probably won’t feel as good as you thought it would.

I think there’s an invitation here we are ignoring: to find purpose in the process instead of rushing to get to the other side.

Because can I tell you a secret?

Your life has more to offer you than you give it credit for.

God is in the middle of working on something really important IN you and FOR you.

So, let’s not run ahead without finding out what’s right here. You are not behind. Amen? 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

Shake Off Your Shame

Not long ago, my life looked anything but godly; I spent my college years like a walking stereotype:

the Goody Two-shoes Christian girl who goes to college, joins a sorority, and turns into a party girl.

While that’s a condensed version of the story, the point is that I have quite a few things in my past that I’m not proud of.

I made choices that caused me and others a lot of pain and heartbreak, and I made mistakes I sometimes wish I could undo.

For years, I lived in shame.

When something bad happens, or when I’m feeling behind compared to those who seem to be moving right along in life,

I usually find myself wondering: Is this my punishment?

Am I not where I want to be in life because of my past?

Is this my fault?

Ephesians 2:8 says we’re only saved by grace through faith, not by our own work.

Even though I knew what the Bible said about God’s grace and forgiveness, I didn’t always believe it applied to me.

I mean, I did in theory, but my mind (and the enemy) can be quick to tell me otherwise.

And I thought because I messed up, there would be big consequences.

Ones that matched my level of sin. I found myself working hard to make sure I was good enough anyway.

Whether it’s because of something we were taught or told, we can start to believe the lie that one wrong decision can derail the rest of our lives.

Our choices yield temporary setbacks,

but that doesn’t mean we’re forever, permanently, and perpetually behind.

Life may look different, but life can still be good.

I John 1:8-9 reminds us that He provides a way out for every mistake and every intentional wrong if we confess and repent our sin.

God is bigger than you. His plan does not change based on your decisions. He is sovereign. He loves to redeem the past and our mistakes.

There is no wrong you have done that cannot be forgiven. All you have to do is run to him. He is closer than you think.

When you live like you’ve been redeemed, living in the light and inviting others to do the same gets a whole lot easier.

Try to say the thing you are afraid to say out loud.

To God, to a friend, or a counsellor. Say it aloud because that’s not who you are anymore.

The enemy knows you’re dangerous to him if you’re no longer in the dark.

And you, my friend, were made to bring light. 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

Cultivate Contentment

When we are so focused on what we don’t have and can’t change, we are likely to become discontent.

You know the feeling of discontentment—the search for something, anything to comfort you, but nothing fully does.

The ache for steadiness or security.

The desire for everything to be in its proper place. The longing for the assurance that you are, and will be, okay.

The idea of contentment gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles.

If I’m honest, sometimes I get squirmy with the word contentment.

Maybe it’s because I’m single at the time of this writing, and well-meaning people like to tell me,

“You’ll meet someone once you’re truly content.”

Or maybe it’s because, single or not, this contentment thing has always felt like an impossible game to win.

Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation.

You’ve tried to make yourself not want something you deeply desire because you think not wanting it will lead to contentment with what you currently have.

But I think we’ve missed something important: Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.

Do you have space in your imagination for something new to happen to you, not because you can make it happen, but because God can do it?

You may need to begin with walking through grief in order to experience healing:

Honestly acknowledge the depth of your wounds
Grieve the wounds

Risk imagining a newness that only God could create

Revelation 21:4 says, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.

There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

We can remain hopeful—not because we will get everything we want but because the pain we experience in the meantime will not last forever.

Grief’s end is coming.

Longing for something doesn’t mean never finding rest for your soul.

Contentment is an inward trust that God is both good and in control of your life, even when you wish your outward circumstances were different.

And Contentment means living in God’s fullness,

which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.

In Philippians 4:12-13, Paul tells us he learned the secret of contentment, and it’s a little unexpected:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Paul didn’t fake his contentment. Nor did he find it because his circumstances were perfect.

The contentment he found only came from Christ.

It is possible to be content in Christ and still desire for something to be different.

Pull out a journal or open a note on your phone and just let the words out.

Don’t try to filter or polish them.

Let it all out. Don’t put pressure on yourself to fix what you feel; just take a step toward healing your heart needs. 

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today

Love Your Life

It can be challenging to celebrate someone who has what we want—especially when it feels like we have nothing to celebrate for ourselves.

But even though celebrating can sometimes feel like a burden,

choosing to celebrate others and ourselves is one of the best ways to overcome the cynicism we feel toward our circumstances.

Psalm 27:13 says, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”

We should celebrate today for the same reason: to remember and rejoice in what God has done.

It doesn’t always have to look like a party or an event,

but celebration helps you invite others to acknowledge a moment that matters, a moment you don’t want to forget.

Celebration invites intimacy and requires vulnerability.

The ability to celebrate is a discipline we have to fight for.

We need to look for the goodness of the Lord today and help others do the same.

Time tends to slip away when we don’t take a moment to reflect on all that has happened.

But we don’t always have to rely on other people to mark moments of importance.

We can celebrate our own too.

Here are some reflection questions to ask yourself:

What was good this past month?

How did I show up to my life?
Where did I see God move?

What am I hopeful for next month?

Over and over again God’s word calls us to remember.

Remember who God is.

And Remember what He has done.

It’s in the remembering that proves He is trustworthy.

It shows us He has been, and always will be, with us.

It helps us get our hopes up!

Also Read: Satan Get Lost! – Diademng

We hope this message was helpful to you.

We would like to thank Harvest House Publishers for providing this message.

For more information please visit: https://www.harvesthousepublishers.com/books/you-are-not-

You Are Not Behind: How to Start Building a Life You Love Today