Love is the Resistance

“Love is like Oxygen, and We Need it to Live.”

Reviewer: David Oletu (DCM)

Book Title: Love Is the Resistance: Learn to Disagree, Resolve the Conflicts You’ve Been Avoiding, and Create Real Change

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Book Author: Ashley Abercrombie

Publisher: Baker Books (August 31, 2021)

Pages: 208 pages ‎

ISBN-10: 0801094399

ISBN-13: 978-0801094392‎

“If you were in charge of the world for one day,

what would you do to cultivate people and mercy, to help others embody justice?”

and “In your own life, what one thing would you reimagine to make all the difference?”

Love is the Resistance

Ashley Abercrombie‘s thought-provoking book, “Love is the Resistance,” challenges Christians to reclaim their faith’s core value: Love.

Inspired by her personal struggles to live out love in a complex world, Ashley presents a compelling vision for a more loving, compassionate Christianity.

Within the body of Christ, diverse perspectives on God have led to varied understandings of love.

Ashley notes that this has resulted in a disturbing consequence: “A shrinking of God’s image, and the more we shrink God, the more we shrink Love!”

This fragmentation has spawned a crisis of hypocrisy, where

Christians are now often characterized by judgmentalism and division rather than love.

To combat this, Ashley urges Christians to recognize their inherent worthiness of love, respect, and admiration.

She emphasizes that love is essential to human existence:

“Love is like oxygen, and we need it to live.”

Ashley stresses that true transformation begins within, where individuals cultivate health and holiness.

Ashley’s vision extends beyond a call to action; it’s a reminder that:

“We are worthy of respect, honour, and admiration, and our lives and presence matter to God, others, and us.”

To empower readers to love more and resolve conflicts better, the book is divided into 11 chapters, each offering:

– Attitudes to adopt

– Personal affirmations

– Reflection questions

– Conflict communication techniques

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 1: Learning Love

In Chapter 1, Ashley Abercrombie introduces the vital concept of “Learning Love.”

She asserts that embracing an honest life, though terrifying due to its high-risk and high-yield nature,

is essential for understanding our motivations, making integrity-driven decisions, and building a life aligned with our values

Ashley emphasizes that learning love inherently requires unlearning fear.

Additionally, Ashley highlights Jesus’ command as a guiding principle for Christian relationships:

“A new command I give you: Love one another.

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

However, Ashley notes that Christians have fallen short of this ideal.

Instead of being recognized for their love, believers are often characterized by division and judgmentalism.

This misrepresentation has significant consequences, as many people’s understanding of God is shaped by the witness of Christians.

As believers seated at the table with Jesus, Christians bear a critical responsibility to recapture the essence of love that unites them.

Ashley urges Christians to reexamine their priorities and reestablish their standing with God and each other.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 2: Cancel Culture

In Chapter 2, Ashley Abercrombie tackles the timely topic of “Cancel Culture” and its impact on Christian witness.

She argues that Christians have compromised their values to remain relevant, adopting communication styles from social media influencers.

This has led to: disorder and harmful practices, a focus on what Christians are against, rather than what they’re for,

clanging symbols devoid of love, unable to build bridges, and prioritizing proving points over sharing God’s love

Ashley notes that partisanship, envy, and selfish ambition have infected Christian discourse, with believers slapping Jesus’ name on divisive rhetoric.

The world watches, and Ashley urges Christians to cancel these toxic media cultures.

Ashley advocates for, dismantling faulty belief systems through confession and repentance,

establishing safe, consistent, and healthy connections within the community,

and cultivating a steady flow of loving God and loving neighbors as oneself

Additionally, Ashley cautions against the toxicity of social media, advising Christians to, track time spent on social media, assess its impact on spiritual, mental, and emotional growth,

and make conscious choices to avoid harm.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 3: Language Matters

In this Chapter, Ashley Abercrombie delves into the critical role language plays in resolving conflicts and demonstrating love.

She emphasizes that our words have the power to build up or tear down, and thoughtful communication is essential.

Ashley references Proverbs’ timeless wisdom:

“A fitting reply is a joy to the soul, and wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.” (Proverbs 15:23, 25:11)

Effective communication brings joy and strengthens relationships. However, harmful words can have devastating consequences.

Ashley turns to Ephesians 4:29 for guidance:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ephesians 4:29 KJV
[29] Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
https://bible.com/bible/1/eph.4.29.KJV

This verse underscores the importance of:

– Self-control: Monitoring our words to avoid harm.

– Intentionality: Speaking to edify and support others.

– Empathy: Considering the needs and feelings of listeners.

Ashley warns against the risks of prioritizing freedom of speech over Christ’s teachings:

“If our core beliefs say that freedom means we should be able to say anything, no matter who it harms, then freedom of speech is more powerful in our lives than the words of Christ.”

This misguided approach can lead to:

– Using doctrine to shame, correct, and shun others.

– Valuing being right over loving others.

– Dehumanizing language that hinders meaningful connections.

Ashley therefore urges believers to recognize the impact of their words and, watch their words, avoid dehumanizing language, and prioritize building others up.

By doing so, Christians can create a safe, supportive environment where love and compassion thrive.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 4: Love Thy Neighbour

In Chapter 4, Ashley Abercrombie revisits one of Christianity’s foundational commandments: “Love thy neighbour.”

She challenges readers to reflect on the inclusivity and compassion of their faith, emphasizing that Jesus’ teachings know no boundaries.

Ashley poses critical questions to prompt self-reflection, asking if our gospel is good news for people who don’t live like us, look like us, or believe what we believe.

Specifically, is it good news for the poor and marginalized, the rich and powerful, those outside our nationality, ethnicity, and gender,

and those struggling with mental health, addiction, or trauma?

Ashley emphasizes that if the answer is no, then it’s not the good news of Jesus Christ.

The gospel is selfless, spreading love across all nations, cultures, and socioeconomic backgrounds.

She notes that Christians often prioritize personal rights and interests over biblical commands, neglecting the well-being of others.

This hinders the spread of God’s love globally.

Ashley encourages believers to examine their attitudes towards diversity, recognize biases and prejudices, and prioritize loving others despite differences.

The state of the church is also a concern for Ashley.

She addresses the scandals, corrupt leadership, and hurt within the church.

While leaders will be held accountable, Ashley stresses that the whole body of Christ will be held accountable for its state.

This collective responsibility requires believers to repent and acknowledge their role in the church’s condition,

recognize that loving neighbors has no conditions, and take responsibility for promoting a loving, inclusive community.

Ashley urges believers to foster accountability and transparency within the church, rather than shifting blame solely onto leaders.

We must recognize that our actions, or inactions, contribute to the church’s condition.

By acknowledging this, we can begin to move forward, prioritizing love and compassion for all individuals, regardless of background or circumstance.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 5: Love is the Resistance

In Chapter 5, Ashley Abercrombie presents a compelling vision for navigating conflict in “Love is the Resistance.”

Reflecting on the COVID-19 pandemic, she notes that despite physical isolation, people were thrust into various conflicts and protests.

This experience highlights a fundamental truth: no conflict-free zone exists.

The pandemic afforded people time to reflect on their values and relationships, yet it also exposed deep-seated divisions and tensions.

Ashley emphasizes that honest conversation and connective communication are essential for maturing relationships.

Even healthy relationships contain tension, disagreement, disappointments, and discouragements.

Conflict is an inherent part of human interaction, and its absence often indicates superficiality rather than harmony.

To address these challenges, Ashley invites readers to reimagine their world, considering a more peaceful existence.

This reimagining requires critical thinking about life, relationships, and our place in the world.

It involves recognizing the interconnectedness of humanity and God,

acknowledging that every person, regardless of differences, is made in God’s image and deserving of love and mercy.

Ashley encourages readers to exercise agency in cultivating peace and justice, rather than passively accepting conflict as the norm.

Ashley further poses thought-provoking questions to prompt reflection and action:

“If you were in charge of the world for one day, what would you do to cultivate people and mercy, to help others embody justice?” and “In your own life, what one thing would you reimagine to make all the difference?”

These questions encourage readers to reflect on their values and actions,

considering how they can contribute to a more harmonious world.

Ashley grounds her message in Jesus’ teachings, citing Matthew 5:9:

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

Ultimately, as children of God, we are called to be peacemakers,

and this is the noble endeavour Ashley’s message inspires readers to embark on in this chapter.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 6: When Class, Gender, and Race Collide

In Chapter 6, Ashley Abercrombie tackles the complex issue of how social categorizations intersect and often spark conflict.

She acknowledges that whenever disagreements arise, underlying factors like racism, sexism, classism, and cynicism are often at play.

Our class, gender, and race significantly influence how we interact with others and navigate relationships.

Ashley uses marriage as an example of how these collisions can manifest.

However, she notes that similar conflicts can arise in various contexts, including workplaces, neighborhoods, friendships, families, and faith communities.

She highlights specific examples:

– Racism: Judging individuals based on skin color or tribe.

– Sexism: Assigning roles based on gender, disregarding individual capabilities.

– Classism: Treating people differently based on economic status.

These biases can lead to division and conflict among believers.

To overcome these challenges, Ashley advises rooting our identity in Christ.

By doing so:

– We learn to ignore internal voices that foster feelings of exclusion.

– And We recognize our inherent value as God-given.

– Also, We accept our brokenness and grow to believe it’s okay to make mistakes.

In knowing Christ’s profound love, we can:

– Outgrow toxic mentalities and perspectives.

– Transcend limiting beliefs inherited from our surroundings.

– Mature into compassionate, empathetic individuals.

Ashley urges readers to reevaluate harmful belief systems, even if they are deeply ingrained.

If these systems devalue certain groups, it’s time to break away:

“If devaluing women, the poor, or people of other races and nationalities is a value in our camp, then it is time to break away from those mindsets; it’s time to reevaluate.”

This transformation requires courage, but it is essential to embracing the gospel of Jesus Christ.

By confronting and overcoming these biases, we can create a more inclusive, loving community that reflects God’s love and values.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 7: Autonomy from Our Camp

In Chapter 7, Ashley Abercrombie explores the concept of autonomy from societal sects, tribes, and self-serving beliefs, posing profound questions:

“Does our relationship with Jesus propel us toward autonomy?

Is God concerned about race, gender, and class, or are we getting too entangled in politics?”

Ashley challenges readers to reconsider their understanding of community and unity.

If Jesus has destroyed the barriers between groups, reconciling us to God through the cross, why don’t we prioritize cultivating diverse, inclusive communities?

Why does the church focus more on what it’s against rather than what it’s for?

If Jesus is our peace, why do we perpetuate divisions?

Why don’t we address the barriers between our various backgrounds, economic realities, nationalities, and genders?

Why are we known more for hatred than love?

Must we define ourselves by the world’s polarizing terms, or can we see people as made in God’s image, deserving of love?

Ashley urges readers to awaken from complacency, recognizing, their own condition, the world’s condition, and their neighbor’s condition

Ashley’s message in this chapter encourages readers to reevaluate their priorities, seeking autonomy from divisive mindsets.

By embracing God’s mercy and love, we can, bridge gaps between communities, foster inclusive relationships, and embody Jesus’ teachings.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 8: For Lack of Justice, There is Waste

In Chapter 8, Ashley Abercrombie reflects on Proverbs 13:23, “Much food is the fallow ground of the poor, and for the lack of justice there is waste.”

She notes that when the church prioritizes production over people’s pain, the spiritual soil lies fallow, uncultivated.

Ashley critiques the faith community’s singular focus on production, repeating the same formula through conferences, resources, and books.

Churches become large spiritual farms offering only one type of fruit, often unappealing to those outside the community.

This approach yields limited relationship and redemption, leaving the soil dry and unproductive.

Ashley urges readers to examine their faith communities:

– Who holds the dominant narrative?

– Who is missing and why?

– How can we better cultivate the fallow ground of the poor?

– What is being wasted due to lack of justice?

Ashley emphasizes that Jesus loves all people, regardless of nationality, political beliefs, or personal values.

Rather than pointing fingers, we should acknowledge our own sin and brokenness.

The church’s model should be Christ Jesus, not the world.

We must shift from self-centered production to people-centered shepherding.

Our gatherings should prioritize:

– Inclusivity over dominant culture

– Redemption over ritual

– Relationships over rhetoric

Ashley envisions a church where people can grow as God intends, not within predetermined boxes.

It’s time for the church to reassess its priorities, embracing a more inclusive, compassionate approach that values all people and promotes justice.

As Ashley asserts;

“our faith communities should be places where people can flourish, not merely survive.

By this, we can begin to cultivate the fallow ground, ensuring a more just and loving harvest.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 9: When Conflict Calls

In Chapter 9, Ashley Abercrombie tackles the inevitable reality of conflict, guiding believers on how to navigate these challenging situations.

When conflict arises, Ashley encourages readers to acknowledge it as a normal part of life, rather than something to be feared or avoided.

Recognizing the natural “fight, flight, or freeze” response, we should take a step back, pray before reacting, and seek help from trusted advisors or mentors.

To effectively resolve conflicts, Ashley also recommends employing specific strategies.

– Using “I-statements” helps express feelings without assigning blame, while avoiding cross-talk and defensiveness fosters constructive dialogue.

– Refraining from absolute language, such as “always” and “never,” prevents escalation.

– Clarifying the conflict’s goal and sticking to the original issue maintains focus.

– Perhaps most importantly, practicing kindness and avoiding name-calling, cursing, and threats creates a safe space for resolution.

Preparation is crucial in navigating conflicts.

Believers should strive to be anchored in integrity, tested, tried, and true.

Also, cultivating love and honesty in daily life and relationships lays the groundwork for peaceful conflict resolution.

Moreover, growth, change, and a pursuit of peace are essential in developing resilience.

As followers of Christ, we are entrusted with being a transformative presence in the world.

Ashley urges readers to embody Christian values amidst conflict, demonstrating love, compassion, and empathy.

In a beautiful yet chaotic world, God calls believers to rise above conflict, anchored in faith and integrity,

as our response to conflict reveals our true character and identity.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 10: Woe to the Offender

In Chapter 10, Ashley Abercrombie explores the complexities of forgiveness and accountability.

She reflects on the story of Jonah, highlighting God’s tender approach to both Jonah’s pain and the offenses of the Ninevites.

This paradoxical tenderness challenges our understanding of forgiveness and growth, reminding us that God’s nature is one of compassion and mercy.

As we strive to become like God, Ashley emphasizes the importance of cultivating tenderness toward ourselves and others.

However, she also acknowledges that forgiveness is not solely the responsibility of the hurt party.

The burden of change falls on the offender, and it is crucial to recognize this distinction.

Furthermore, Ashley addresses leaders in various spheres, urging them to take responsibility for their actions.

“If you’ve used your power to hurt others, repent,” she advises.

This repentance involves ceasing harmful behaviors, rather than enabling them for the sake of reputation or job security.

Moreover, leaders should not demand forgiveness without making amends and changing their ways, ensuring that harm and hurt do not continue.

Specifically, Ashley calls on leaders to recognize and confront their character flaws, make amends for past harm, and work toward transformation.

This involves owning mistakes, taking responsibility for growth and change, and prioritizing the well-being of others,

as true leadership embodies humility, empathy, and compassion, striving for justice and restoration.

The phrase “Woe to the offender” serves as a reminder that God holds those who harm others accountable.

Ultimately, Ashley’s message encourages readers to reflect on their actions and their impact on others,

inviting us to grow in tenderness and empathy, just as God does.

More importantly, by letting go of racism, sexism, power struggles, and greed, we can embody humility, empathy, and compassion,

striving for justice and restoration in our personal and collective lives.

Love is the Resistance

Chapter 11: I’ll Love You Till The Cows Come Home.

In this final chapter, Ashley Abercrombie reminds of God’s unconditional love.

Using her poem, “I’ll Love You Till The Cows Come Home,”

she illustrates the depth of God’s affection, despite our sinfulness.

This realization prompts a crucial question: “If God loves us so profoundly, how can we not love others?”

Ashley acknowledges the difficulties and urgency of our times.

Yet, she encourages readers to find solace in God’s presence, where “there is fullness of joy” and “pleasures evermore” (Psalm 16:11).

In the face of conflict and tension, joy becomes a powerful form of resistance.

Also, as the church, dwelling in God’s presence, we must examine our impact on others:

– How do our words, actions, and standards affect people?

– Do we bring them closer to Christ or heap burdens and judgment?

– Does our life offer an invitation of joy?

Ashley cautions against prioritizing rules and judgment over love and compassion.

When our actions distress others, we’ve lost sight of love’s essence,

for the kingdom of God is built on righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).

Ashley adds that there’s a time to stand for what’s right, but we must do so with empathy and humility.

Pride and fruitless arguments won’t win people over; only love can.

Love is the Resistance!

Ashley’s final chapter resonates deeply: love creates real change and makes us more like God!

In conclusion, Ashley’s parting words echo with conviction:

“The days are difficult, urgency beats within us as the pain across the earth increases…

However, if we are to remain steadfast in love, we must maintain stubborn hope—the ridiculous audacity to get up again, to try again, to begin again.”