After 11 Abortions, I Wanted To Commit Suicide But I Am Now A Changed Woman— Ayokemi Toye-Balogun

My name is Ayokemi Christiana Toye-Balogun. I was raised at the Celestial Church of Christ.   I loved God and wanted to serve Him but I didn’t have access to the gospel and the work of salvation Christ had done.

I was just going to church but my sins became a burden to me. And I was looking for a way out. Sometimes, I heard voices that told me that I would one day go to hell. So, I was looking for a way out but found none. I did not know how to surrender my life to Christ.

One day I went to church and asked my pastor if it was possible to live in this world without sin.  He said it was not possible as all had sinned and come short of the glory of God. As soon as he said that I heard a voice that told me I should just end it all because I had struggled so much with sin.

Eventually, I was contemplating suicide because of my sin. There were so many things I was doing that I didn’t want to do again.  I had lived in fornication for a long time.  I had three children for two different men. I had had about eleven abortions and all these were on me. I did all these in secret and no one knew about them. Sometimes, when I wanted to pray, something keeping telling me that I was a sinner and a killer. I would then quickly stop praying.  I had bathed in the river and done a lot of sacrifices just for me to have a way out.

Later, I had an opportunity to travel out of the country. On my way to United States of America,  I was wondering why  God decided to take me there because I was doing well financially in Nigeria and my business also was doing well. I was alone in the house in Long View Texas and the Lord visited me. My sins, it seemed, were being read to me.  I said, “Lord I am guilty of all these sins”.   I went on my knees and started confessing my sins. And I could remember every sin. I remembered when my mum would say to take one piece of sugar and I would pick two. I confessed all the stealing, abortion and fornication. I mentioned the date, hotel, place, and hospital. As I was confessing my sins, what I noticed was that each time I mentioned a sin I saw a hand kept coming back to remove something. And I realised the burden of guilt began to reduce until finally all the sins were wiped away.

I quietly opened my eyes, shook myself and felt so light.  And immediately, I heard in my heart that I was then born again. I heard angels singing and rejoicing that a sinner had come home. And while all these things were taking place,  the first that came out of my mouth was “Lord where have you been?” And He responded: “I have always been there, standing at the door of your heart knocking for years but you were busy with nothing”. When He said I was busy with nothing, I started to remember all my religious activities; tithing, going to church, attending service and meetings. I started crying. And He said He didn’t see any of them  because the prayer of a sinner is an abomination to Him. I then asked Him for what I should do as I just wanted to please and serve Him. He said He had to pull me out of Nigeria to save me as I was distracted.

The forgiveness I got actually propelled me to follow Him and dedicate my life to Him.